somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
