so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
