Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
