my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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