i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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