Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
