Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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