The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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