i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
