Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
