dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
