The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
