my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
