guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
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I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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