Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
