Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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