My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
