I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
