This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
