I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
