kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
