I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
