took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
