if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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