he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
