I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
