my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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