he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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