There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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