I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize