he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
