Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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