he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
