Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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