I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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