Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
