What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
