Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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