About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
