I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
