Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
