I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dick very happy bro
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
