True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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