You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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