My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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