Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
