Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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