tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
