Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
