I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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