I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
