ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
