i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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