people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
