he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
