Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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