totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
