I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dignity is for republicans.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
