just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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