i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
