Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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