i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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